I’m struggling y’all. Struggling to find balance. To find peace. In some ways, my life is more peaceful than ever…more sure…more solid. In others, I am confronted with frustrations I thought were behind me. I don’t understand how it is so hard for the world to see what is right in front of them. I work in a place that I am certain I can bring change to and yet, there are roadblocks I don’t understand, politics I can’t work around and problems I can’t seem to solve no matter what I do.
I once wrote about being pulled under by the tide. The tide of misunderstanding, or a lack of education, or simply a person or thing or institute who was just hell bound to make me drown. Someone I love read that and their response was this:
The tide of the ocean is inevitable. It will rise and fall every night without fail, but those ups and downs are caused by the same force that brings beautiful light to the darkness. The tide also rises and falls during the day, and even though it’s the same force that causes it, you can’t always see its light. So just as it is with the tide, in life there will always be ups and downs. That’s inevitable . And although you’re not the controlling force of your tide, and sometimes the light isn’t as obvious, you know it’s there, whether life is up or down.
You just have to remember it’s there, whether or not it shines bright, always. And sometimes, if you look hard enough, you can see the moon shining during the day, before it ever gets dark.
There is another force of the ocean, rip currents. They’re related, but different than the tides. You can predict the rise and fall of the tides, and you can float up and down with those inevitable waves, just like the ups and downs of life. But it’s the dangerous and unpredictable rip currents that can pull you out to sea. When you recognize them though, you may think you only have two options.
To fight against them until you’re too exhausted to go on, or to float and let them carry you, hoping you’ll survive the long swim back, or be rescued.
There’s another option though. The recommended way to survive a rip current. And that is to swim sideways, away from it. Not toward it or with it but away from it. The hard part sometimes is to recognize it before its too late. But once you do, your life depends on how fast you swim away from it before it takes all your energy …and takes you to the point of no return. You don’t have to let it pull you back and carry you away. Sometimes, the best option is to go the opposite direction, and find a new path…to safety.
—That’s the whole thing. Can you believe how beautiful it is? I couldn’t. Here’s what I took from that and you…can take whatever you want.
I’m drowning. We are all drowning…all the time. But no matter how deep the water or how difficult the path, we always have choices. And we have community. I’ve built mine. Then let it fall by the wayside…then rebuilt. Rinse …repeat. Here’s what I know, the people I love…love me. And no matter the pool or lake or river or ocean I’m fighting against, they will be there. Find those people. Love them. Let them love you. Because sometimes the only life preserver you have is the love you have built.
I really enjoyed this post, because it reminds me so much of feelings and frustrations I faced in 2 separate careers. The first career lasted about 30 years. As I promoted up the chain, I was given more responsibilities and power, but felt like nothing really changed except this that playing field grew larger and larger, but those that I reported to were more senior and were more political. Their motives seemed and generally less pure. Participating in the process required me to become more political which was always distasteful and left me questioning if I had become like those that had always frustrated me. I eventually reached my career goal and celebrated until I realized that I had exchanged one set of issues for another. The politics at this level was worse than I ever imagined. I had much less freedom than when I much lower in the chain. I did accomplish my goals in the position, but was exhausted from the journey. I retired after completing 30 years of service and was bored to tears.
I decided to seek a position that would allow me to work as an Indian and not a Chief. (I have Native American blood in my blood so this is politically correct for me.) I soon witnessed a serious lack of leadership in a critically important program and realized that I couldn’t complain if I didn’t become part of the solution. I rose through the ranks quickly because of many years of experience in my previous work life. I was able to accomplish significant goals that made a significant difference. I’ve never been interested in collecting praise because the work was its own reward. Having said that, I received a lot of unsolicited recognition which apparently became a supposed “threat” to others. I have to admit that my filter became less effective as I grew more mature (older). I was in a world of schemers that were opposed to change even if the changes were more efficient and effective by any measure. Earlier in life, I would have fought to preserve achievements, but I grew tired of battles that no longer felt worth the blood, sweat and tears even though I loved the employees and program.
I retired a Second time and was initially frustrated with myself. I spent a lot of time contemplating my journey and realized that I lead teams in two “worlds” that were productive and successful. I had the chance to mentor others that followed my path. I couldn’t be more proud of each one. I now look back and feel contented knowing we changed things in amazing ways and those mentored colleagues are continuing to do great things. I have moved on to volunteer projects and find fulfillment in those. I enjoy having time to do fun things, read, write and enjoy checking in with former classmates, coworkers and friends. I am no longer frustrated by the battles and politics that occurred in the past. I enjoy remembering both successes and challenges. I know that I made a difference in programs and other’s lives. I made mistakes and learned from them. I am blessed and grateful for the love, grace and forgiveness from God our Father. Sorry for the long reply, but I really enjoyed and can appreciate your message. You are doing critical work. Thank you for what you do. God bless you.
Always got you sis!
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