Look here people, I just call it like I see it. This is NOT my fault.
I am in a mood. It is neither good nor bad, it just kind of exists. Which, to be honest, sorta perfectly describes the subject of this post. Crotch-less panties for dogs are neither good nor bad, they just …exist. I think my need to write about this is just carry over from the end of my week which is why the last posts you’ve seen from me involve sploots…and now this.
In the interest of getting to the point (though again, I’ll be frank, I have no intention of letting you off the hook that easily), I’ll paint the picture for you. Picture this, it’s a cold rainy weekday. I’ve been up working since about 6 am. It’s now 1 pm. Dear hubby has left for work and well, I’m tired and my back aches. This will happen to the 40+ crowd when we sit in a perfectly comfortable office chair for over an hour (both the waking up at ungodly hours because your brain just tells you it’s time and getting aches and pains for no particular reason at all – so…have fun with that).
Anyhoo, I decided a quick lunch and possible nap with the pup was sufficiently justified. So, I sat on the couch with my TV tray (please see reference to 40+ above) and chicken noodle soup (geez I sound pathetic) and got ready to watch some lunch time trashy TV. But first, an alert popped up from an old friend on Facebook. Next thing I know, I’m staring down the barrel of the most bizarre advertisement I’ve seen in a while. Part of me was relieved. Maybe the Facebook gremlins can’t read our thoughts because this surely wasn’t for me??!?!
Yet, there it was. And while it has a technical name, the nearest description I can come up with and what first occurred to me was that Facebook was suggesting that what I needed most in my life were black ruffled crotch-less panties for my dog.
They’re called FinNero Ballerina Washable Female Heat Dog Diapers and I can’t unsee them.
As such, you must suffer as well.
I’d feel bad about this. I really would. Except, look at that last photo! You can’t tell me they didn’t know what they were doing there! Is that a dog posing in crotch-less panties standing suggestively atop a polar bear rug? What in the actual….
And before you send PETA after me or before my tiny blog is sued by the manufacturer, I get that these have an intended use! I freaking get it! But, in the name of all things holy and out of respect for our pets, can we just not??! I am guilty of a lot of things. I have put my dog in leather jackets, Santa costumes, stupid socks, football jerseys, and floatation devices (though she won’t go near the water). I am not a saint when it comes to embarrassing my dog but there is such a thing as too far and this is…way way way too far.
Not to mention, why in the world did Facebook think I needed this in my life? Sandwiched between an over 50 dating site (I am neither over 50 or single) and yet another pajama advertisement, THIS abomination was staring at me.
Needless to say, my attempts to steal away for a nap on the couch were ruined as I was now traumatized and, for some reason, felt the parental need to protect my fur child from predators. What if someone stole a picture of Izzy that I posted, photo-shopped these things on her, and tried to sell it on the puppy dark web?? Gasp!
And finally, don’t come at me by pointing out that these are, in fact, NOT crotch-less because if they were, it would mean that they could not function in the way they were intended. I needed a subject line. I think it’s appropriate and your pointing out that detail will just be lost on me so don’t waste your time. If you want to waste something, waste your money and go get these for your dog but don’t get them to function in the way they were designed, get them so that you can start an Only Fans for your bull terrier. At least then your wallet might get a little fatter.
I hate myself …I really really do.
Oh no you don’t hate yourself. You can’t fool me, little missy.
You are quite pleased with yourself.
I formerly wrote a newspaper column and I know the joy that comes with a funny, well written, just this side of the line piece that makes people smile.