Foot puns – They’re good for the sole.

Cringe.

Let me set the stage for you. We (darling husband and I) were in the final week of a sugar fast this past February. We had a pretty legit sugar fast “gang” – there were family members, friends, and several less-than-enthusiastic husbands of said friends and family. My brother-in-law was a dedicated member of the less-than-enthusiastic crowd.

Though we had a week to go on our sugar fast, my brother-in-law thought that Super Bowl Sunday was as good a day as any to call it quits. Some others were taking a “break” on Super Bowl Sunday but only he decided that would be the end of his sugar fast journey. He also decided to rub our faces in it.

My family is weird.

No, quirky.

Um, weird.

We appreciate horrible movies, bad jokes, and lame puns. We also enjoy kicking each other when we’re down. It’s a right of passage for our crew and we do it with love but, you should expect this type of adolescent behavior if you want a lifetime membership in this wayward tribe. I tell you all of this so that I can share with you the puns that unraveled in mid-February of this year because they were nothing short of epic.

It all started with him bragging about his Bailey’s Irish Cream and coffee. Something WE hadn’t had for 33 days…but who was counting?

And so, we waited. The sugar fast would end for us on 13 February, perfect timing to enjoy Valentine’s Day. Speaking of, you can read about how romantic I’m NOT here.

Cupid’s Day. Day of love. We would send our message loud and clear on the evening of the 13th so that he could think about it all Valentine’s Day. We’re tenderhearted that way.

Now, for a little more background, my sweetheart had mangled his toe in what can only be described as THE pickle-ball tournament of the century. Blood, sweat, tears…and toenails…were shed that day. A couple of weeks after his “sports injury”, the whole damn thing, which had been hanging on by a thread, decided to take a permanent vacation. Sayonara you dangling monstrosity! And while what you’re about to see might make you a little queasy, I can assure you that I have spared you from what it looked like before which was much much worse. You’re welcome.

And thus, the puns kicked off. Here is a recap for anyone who hasn’t unfollowed me at this point:

(Brother-in-law: BIL)

Me: Happy Valentine’s Day BIL! We TOEtally hope it’s a great one!

BIL: Man, you really nailed it!

BIL: Quite the feat!

Me: He always puts the best foot forward.

BIL: Hopefully it will HEAL soon.

Me: I don’t know, it’s kind of INgrown on me.

BIL: I’m ARCHing my brows at your comments.

Me: I PINKY swear I’m done for the night.

Me: This little piggy went home.

BIL: Truce

BIL: I’m tapping out.

BIL: Puns are really my Achilles heel.

Me: Yeah…they really SOCK it to me!

BIL: Ugg! You got me again!

Game, set, (pickle-ball) MATCH!

I don’t know about you but I think we won that one. Of course, by writing this in such a public forum, I have opened myself up to a bitter pun war. Let the games begin!

Stay tuned for Bible puns, for which I will not only be unfollowed but probably also cast into the fiery pits of hell. Kidding…kidding. God has a sense of humor, right? Right?