‘Tis the season to be thankful so, here I am giving thanks for all the terrible moments that almost broke me and in some cases, left permanent scars. Gotta love a sense of irony – so, thanks world for absolutely shattering me on so many occasions that I was starting to feel like the Book of Job was a romcom.
I’ve been thinking a lot about resilience. If you’re at all close to me, you’ll know exactly why. For the rest of you, let’s just say, this year did not go the way I planned. Then again, I couldn’t be happier with how it is turning out.
I feel like resilience is one of those words that’s tossed around a lot. Like vulnerability or self-awareness. There are some catch phrases or key words that are intended to help us better understand ourselves or others, right? But do we REALLY know what they mean when we bandy them about?
In times like these, I prefer to consult an expert so I asked the Googs and here’s what she said:
Resilience: 1. the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness; 2. the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
Interesting, no?
And now you may be wondering why I am talking about resilience when this whole post is meant to be about broken people. But that’s what I meant when I asked, do we REALLY know what resilience means. Because on the other side of resilience, is a broken heart…a broken soul…broken wings…broken confidence. Just broken. What ever way a person can be broken, I can assure you it has happened and nearly every person has been broken in some way or another.
I have learned something recently. I have learned a lot of things recently. Sometimes voluntarily but mostly because I had no choice. And here’s what I learned. First, I have always been drawn to the broken. The downtrodden. The in-need-of-help. I see them. It’s like recognizing the cadence of someone you have known for years – as they’re walking a half a mile a way. You just…know. You know when you’ve encountered the broken if you have been severely broken yourself.
So, I have the habit of letting broken people take up residence in my life. That’s not necessarily a bad thing but on several occasions, it has been very bad indeed. What I’ve learned is this – yes, I may have been drawn to a broken person because darkness attracts darkness but what I know now, is how to discriminate between those people who use their trauma for good versus those who fall into the “hurt people, hurt people” category. The ability to not only survive your trauma but to use it for good, THAT (to me anyway) is resilience and those are the people that I welcome into my life and heart with open arms.
What resilient people have done with their trauma is so much more important than the trauma itself. And I don’t look at resilience as “bouncing back” – it’s more of finding away to glue all those broken pieces back together and doing it so well that you’ve turned yourself into a piece of art. A light. A beacon. Does the darkness stick around? Does it remain a part of who you are? Sure, you bet. But without the darkness how are we ever meant to know when we are standing in the sun. And growing close to people who have suffered but managed to survive and share their knowledge – is like having the clouds peeled back from your life. Everything is just so much brighter.
I’ve learned something else too. Sometimes we can’t fix our brokenness by ourselves. Our shards of glass are scattered about, under chairs, between couch cushions, accidentally thrown away. We occasionally need the piece of another broken person to fully put ourselves back together again and the connection that creates? That’s the glue. The seeing and being seen. The lack of judgment or shame. The unconditional love. All of that leads to a life well lived and a heart mostly healed.
My life is full now. My cup runneth over with love for the people in my life who have so adeptly put me back together again and who have trusted me to put them back together again too. We are the carpenters of our pain and we can use what we’ve learned to build a house that we can keep each other company in – to be sure we’re safe and warm and protected from those who would like to steal our light. So I am grateful for MY broken people. You know who you are and this year, you are what I am most thankful for.
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