In the Famous Words of Bob Newhart, Just Stop it!

Or, if you prefer: So you messed up? Move on.

Or, if you’re feeling sophisticated: Mistakes are Universal: Find Peace and Growth Without Dwelling on the Past

But seriously, Bob Newhart said it so much better in his iconic sketch on MAD TV in 2001. I shall now test the limits of my technical prowess by attempting to imbed the video. Good luck to us all…

Could there be anything more simple? If you didn’t have the patience to watch that fabulous six minutes of television, essentially, it goes thusly: Bob Newhart is playing the role of a therapist and, to every malady he shouts, “STOP IT!”. He only charges five dollars and no matter your issue, it’s just…STOP IT. Except washing your hands – you can do that ;-).

And, if none of that works, you can subscribe to his full treatment plan which includes 10 words, “STOP IT OR I’LL BURY YOU ALIVE IN A BOX.” I mean, I gotta be honest…that shit works for me. There’s not much I would continue doing if the alternative was being buried in a box.

But anyway….you’re welcome for the entertainment, now on to the main event. If you’ll allow me (and sorry mom), I would like to curse now. So you fucked up? Let’s talk about that shit.

I’m gonna go ahead and go with ‘fuck up’ instead of mistake because I am so tired of being censored IRL and this is…well…a blog so…not real? Is anything on the Internet real anymore. At any rate, I’m hoping to hide my foul mouth in the noise of the messy Internet.

Fuck ups are a universal experience but the weight that we carry from them? Those boulders of bullshit are personal and weigh more than a well-fed hippo. Doesn’t matter if it’s a regret from years ago or a misstep from yesterday, our minds do not allow us full control over the strength of the sting from that failure. And dammit, sometimes, it burns like that hornet I stepped on when I was 7 at Granny’s house.

But you know what? Even though it stings, you can’t just sit there and stare at that red lump on your arm that throbs and grows and begs for attention and sympathy. Nope. Ya gotta rub some dirt on it or, if you were me in circa 1986, your uncle would gather up cigarette ashes, spit on em, and call it a salve. Honestly, it’s a wonder I survived.

Point is, peace…comfort…after a mistake…it doesn’t come from erasing the mistake or erasing our past that may have contributed to that mistake. It’s about learning to coexist with it – to acknowledge that particular fuck up, understand the lesson, and release that bullshit boulder of a burden that you’re carrying and let those heavy emotions, well, fuck right off. (Once again, sorry mom)

Because here’s the beautiful thing my sweet friends, fuck ups are NOT meant to define you, they’re meant to refine you. BAM! I have no idea if that’s an original thought. If it is, can someone please locate my venmo and pay me unregistered royalties? K, Thanks!

Just think of the person you’d be WITHOUT the lessons you learned the hard way? Boring. Unsympathetic. Lacking depth, most definitely. Emotionally intelligent? Not likely. Mistakes hold life’s most valuable lessons but their purpose isn’t to keep you stuck in the quicksand. Their purpose is to help you realize your full potential.

So, yeah. They’re a part of your story. But that doesn’t mean they’re the conclusion. That’s been a real real real real hard lesson for me to learn. And, I’ll be honest, I am still learning…and struggling…and growing…every day. There have been so many times in my life where I felt like any mistake at all…strike that…any fuck up at all…meant that my life was over. Full stop. I never really thought I’d have the nerve to end it but that anxiety ridden part of my soul said, Lindsey, you should just give up. And damn, did I want to. I don’t know where that voice comes from but I’d like to tell that bitch to eat actual cat shit.

So we fail. What kind of friends does failure have? Oh…looky there…shame from 1st grade, guilt from your twenties, self doubt from…forever. And that crappy friend circle can hang around way longer than they’re welcome. Managing those trifle little shits is the key to finding release.

I recommend this – rethink failure. Rethink mistakes. Rethink fuck ups. Instead of thinking of it as a definitive end, see it as a path…a route…a necessary stepping stone that you were brave enough to survive. Embrace the vulnerability that comes with exposing that weakness…that mistake. And remind yourself that it isn’t weakness at all. Bitch, that shit is proof of effort and humanity. Do not let anyone take that from you!

Ok, we have arrived at step one thousand two hundred and sixty two but I’m going to ask you to go ahead and move this up to step TWO. Girl….Boi…..FUCKING FORGIVE YOURSELF! (Again…sorry mom but this post need emphasis.) Give yourself grace, compassion – the same that you’d give anyone you love…even if they don’t give it to you. Accept that you did the best you could with what you knew, where you were, what you thought, your mental and physical health at the time…whatever. You are not defined by one …or even a series of decisions – particularly if you have learned from them and my guess is that you have.

Think about your progress even if it’s not as much as you’d like. Whatever that progress is – even if it’s just recognition of things you’d like to change – is movement toward the you that you’re meant to be and that’s so beautiful it makes my heart hurt. I want that for you….whoever you are. To know that every second that tics by is an opportunity to realize yourself just a little bit more. Sometimes that realization is so painful we can hardly bare it but that’s the beauty of existence. Without pain…without growth…what good are we?

And guess what? You’re gonna think you’re super wise. SOOOOOO smaht! You’ve learned so much and will share your knowledge with the world around you. Hey…friend…you there….YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA FUCK UP AGAIN! So, try to make those mistakes part of your journey and not your destination. If you’re able, face them with honesty, manage the emotions and choose to grow. And somehow, if you do that, you transform regret into wisdom. That made me chuckle because I feel like if that’s the case, I must be suuuuuuuper wise. 😉 In truth, in reality, maybe I am. And so are you….